Petition Demands Phil Collins Stay Retired Petition Demands Phil Collins Stay Retired

Phil Collins recently announced that he’s coming out of retirement, and now, there’s a petition, inexplicably addressed to the United Nations, demanding that he stay retired.

Or, put another way: against all odds, Collins wanted to exit retirement to experience another day in paradise as a rock star, giving the world a groovy kind of love even if only for one more night, even though he admits “I can’t dance.” But the petition’s signers heard about his ending retirement and said, “Take me home!

Okay, I’ll stop with the song title puns. Sussudio.

The petition, titled “Phil Collins Must Be Stopped,” was filed by someone calling himself “Brian Pee” in the UK. The petition simply reads:

Phil Collins has announced he is ‘no longer in retirement’. There is far too much suffering in the world as it is. This must be stopped.

As of this story being written, the petition has picked up over 4,200 signatures. But although it’s obviously meant to be a joke (and a hilarious one at that), Phil Collins’ fans have taken to the petition’s comments section, lambasting Brian Pee’s petition and encouraging Collins to release new material.

Collins announced his retirement in 2011 though he’s been talking about coming back out of retirement practically ever since. He announced his retirement was ending in 2013, with plans to write new music and tour, though that ultimately didn’t happen. The same thing happened in 2014 when Collins announced that he was writing new material with Adele though nothing came of that either.

Today, Collins says he’s planning to release a new album and tour and says he’s working on an autobiography, due to be released in 2016. Though given his past claims of exiting retirement, it’s difficult to gauge whether he truly will put out new material, or if we’ll be talking about how Phil Collins is coming out of retirement again in 2016.

Photo by badgreeb RECORDS

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Matt Terzi is a political satirist and essayist from Binghamton, New York, who has written for some of the most prominent satire publications in the country. He’s now moving into more “serious” subject matter, without losing touch with his comedic roots