Universe Sends Message To Trump With Sinkhole In Front Of Mar-a-Lago Estate

Universe Sends Message To Trump With Sinkhole In Front Of Mar-a-Lago Estate

A Sinkhole at Mar-a-Lago: The Universe Is Sending Trump A Pretty Clear Message

I’m not sure which God “President” Donald Trump believes in, if he believes in one at all. I’m sure I’m not the only one who thinks he can’t actually touch a Bible without his hand bursting into flames, which would explain his infamous “Corinthians 2” gaffe. But whichever God he prefers just sent a pretty clear message to his Mar-a-Lago estate in Florida, and even a tubby orange man-toddler like Trump should be able to decipher that message: “I’m just not that into you.”

A 4′ x 4′ sinkhole opened Monday morning on Southern Boulevard in Palm Beach, Florida, directly in front of Trump’s Mar-a-Lago estate. Local crews are expected to conduct exploratory excavation today, and traffic has been redirected to avoid the location. There are thankfully no reports of injuries resulting from the sinkhole.

Donald Trump is currently overseas on his “I need a break from my Russia collusion controversy so let me go embarrass myself in the Middle East” tour, which means your theory that the Devil was attempting to tear open the Earth and yank the mango-hued pricktator into Hades is sadly debunked.

But despite Trump’s absence from Florida, I think it’s safe to say most Americans see the sinkhole as a sign from God, or perhaps the universe in general. Even the most fervent atheist must surely look at this phenomenon and think to themselves “Surely a supernatural hand is at work here.”

Trump has spent a ridiculous amount of time at Mar-a-Lago since his inauguration. He spent so much time at the golf retreat that it has become a running joke among America’s progressives (and a decent number of conservatives as well). In March, Democrats hilariously trolled Trump by proposing a bill called “The MAR-A-LAGO Act,” an acronym for “Making Access Records Available to Lead American Government Openness Act,” in an effort to force the Trump Administration to release White House visitor logs.

I’d of course never wish harm on anyone, and I’m glad no one was injured by this Mar-a-Lago sinkhole. But here’s hoping one of these opens up right in front of Trump the next time he goes on one of his lavish golf trips, and that somewhere inside Trump’s sludgy, sub-adolescent mind he’s able to process that perhaps this is a sign that he should do the country a solid by resigning. Are metaphors lost on Trump? Probably. But you won’t find a better opportunity to introduce him to the concept than a real-life sinkhole opening up in front of him.


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Matt Terzi is a political satirist and essayist from Binghamton, New York, who has written for some of the most prominent satire publications in the country. He’s now moving into more “serious” subject matter, without losing touch with his comedic roots