10 Reasons Hillary Clinton Should Definitely NOT Run Again In 2020

The views and opinions expressed by Matt Terzi in this opinion piece do not necessarily represent the views and opinions of Reverb Press.

Is Hillary Clinton running again in 2020? It’s Really Looking That Way

On Sunday, Politico’s Matt Latimer presented some rather compelling evidence that points toward Hillary Clinton mounting a third run at the White House, and to a political junky, it’s pretty obvious that Latimer is right. Clinton is almost definitely plotting a 2020 run aimed at dethroning America’s Mango Mussolini, “President” Donald Trump.

There’s no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to say it: Hillary Clinton should not and can not run again in 2020. It’s not going to happen. She will never be president… it’s time to get over it and move on, folks. With Donald Trump in the White House, America is faced with too many serious problems to even be considering a third Clinton run. Do you really need me to give you a reason why Hillary shouldn’t run in 2020? Well, I could do that… or I could give you ten. Let’s go with that latter option, shall we?

Ten Reasons Hillary Clinton Should NOT Run in 2020

Reason #1 – America Doesn’t Trust Her

Some of you don’t want to admit it, but it’s the God-awful truth: the American people don’t trust Hillary Clinton. That’s a fact. Polls support this fact overwhelmingly. And she did absolutely nothing in the 2016 race — she didn’t even try, actually — to ease the concerns of voters or to show the nation that she’s more trustworthy than she lets on. The burden of proof rested on Hillary Clinton’s shoulders, and no one else’s. This was easily her biggest failure in 2016, and we have no reason to believe she’ll try to do better on this front in 2020.

Reason #2 – She’s Incredibly Easy To Campaign Against

Her backers in 2016 failed to see it the way so many middle-of-the-road Americans did, but Hillary Clinton is almost comically scandal-prone, bumbling her way from one questionable decision into the next. Many of her scandals aren’t legitimate; they’re made-up stories spun by the right-wing to discredit her. But some of them truly are serious cases of bad judgment on her part, and she doesn’t have a great track record of damage control when those things happen.

Reason #3 – No One Knows What She Actually Stands For

Pop quiz: name something Hillary Clinton is passionate about that she would chase with conviction, even if it were politically inconvenient or went against the grain of what the Democratic Party’s leadership wanted. Clinton’s is a calculated platform of safe, focus-tested, mechanically-arranged directives that are robotically stamped by the Democratic Party and set in a gelatinous cube so as to be quickly and easily modified with the changing tides of public opinion. She wants to stand for whatever she thinks you stand for, rather than standing for what she herself believes. That might make for good politics, but it doesn’t do much to help bolster voter confidence or enthusiasm.

Reason #4 – She’s An Awful Campaigner And Campaign Strategist

Hillary Clinton won the Democratic Primary because she out-performed Bernie Sanders in historically red states that any political wonk worth their salt could tell you she had absolutely no hope in Hell of winning in the general. Lo and behold, she lost in those States, just as anyone could’ve predicted. Her performances in Michigan and Wisconsin during the primaries were a major hint that she needed to put more effort into those states. She had every opportunity to do so, but she utterly failed at delivering there, and it cost her the presidency. That she didn’t work harder in those states, and that she failed to hire any senior staffers who could’ve warned her of her impending rust belt doom, prove that she’s absolutely awful at campaigning. And with another four years of Trump on the table, it’s simply too risky to have a bad campaigner running against him.

Reason #5 – She’s Too Moderate To Follow Donald Trump

Clinton could’ve been a good president in the wake of Barack Obama, towing his legacy into another four- or eight- year stretch. But after presumably four years of Donald Trump, America is going to need a real progressive to fix everything he’s inevitably going to have broken in that time. We don’t need a moderate center-right figure tugging a weak party line. We need a bold, vision-driven progressive who will push the party kicking and screaming into next decade. I’m sorry folks, but that simply will not be Hillary Clinton.

Reason #6 – The 2016 Election Was As Sucky As Sucky Can Possibly Suck

While I’m sure many former Trump supporters are wishing they could take back their vote last November, I’m confident there isn’t a single person in America who misses the 2016 presidential campaign season. Going through that hot mess again in 2020? No fucking thanks.

Reason #7 – There Are Other Fish In The Sea

Tulsi Gabbard, Elizabeth Warren, Cory Booker, Alan Grayson, Amy Klobuchar, Joe Biden, Julian Castro, Oprah… there are a lot of names being floated for 2020. Some of those names are more appealing than others, of course. But all of them are more appealing than a third attempt from Hillary Clinton, for all those reasons mentioned on this list.

Reason #8 – Clinton Had No Real Strategy Against Trump In 2016

It seemed like Hillary Clinton’s plan for winning the election revolved around waiting for Donald Trump to do something so heinous that his supporters dropped him completely. She threw as much mud at him as she could, and then waited for Trump to ruin himself. It didn’t work, obviously. She did manage to win the popular vote by a pretty big margin, but voter turnout was abysmal because so very few people were enthusiastic about her run. I know this harkens back to reason #4, but it was worth mentioning on its own.

Reason #9 – Her Candidacy Brings Out The Worst In Democrats

If you’re a Clinton supporter who’s been hate-reading this article, you’re going to LOVE this next point: Hillary Clinton’s candidacy always brings out the worst in her supporters. Always. In 2007 and 2008, they were volatile, rude, and all-around shitty toward anyone who disagreed with them. In 2015 and 2016, their attitude was completely unchanged, only it lasted a lot longer with her making it into the general election.

The Clinton supporter attitude problem isn’t really their fault, though; it’s not because they’re bad people. Hillary Clinton is constantly under attack from both the left and the right, so her supporters are reactively dismissive, crass, and abrasive with anyone not sharing their lockstep. It has less to do with their personalities than it does the explosively negative reputation of their favorite candidate. But until that attitude is seriously addressed by her most vocal fans, she simply cannot run for president.

Reason #10 – No One Serious Ever Runs A third Time, And With Good Reason

In politics, the third time is not, has never been, and will never be the charm. If you mount a presidential run and you wipe out, it’s almost expected of you to run a second time, but if you try again and fail, it’s an unspoken law of American politics that you’re officially done. A third run would be seen by voters as desperate, frivolous, and rather sad. Her more adamant supporters would disagree, of course, but they’re just that: devout backers in a sliver of a minority who do not represent the whole. A third Clinton run would be embarrassing for her, wasteful of her financial endorsers, and an unwanted distraction from a primary rival who might otherwise have a real shot at the White House.

Please, Hillary, if you’re reading this: don’t do it. There are far better ways for you to contribute to the betterment of this country. I’m sorry, but you had your two chances. They’re gone now. It’s time for you, and America, to move forward.

Featured image courtesy of Mark Makela/ Getty Images

Matt Terzi is a political satirist and essayist from Binghamton, New York, who has written for some of the most prominent satire publications in the country. He's now moving into more "serious" subject matter, without losing touch with his comedic roots