POLL: In Key Swing State, Majority Terrified Of Trump’s Finger on Nuclear Trigger
Should Donald Trump Have Access To Nuclear Launch Codes? A Majority In This Key Swing State Say ‘HELL NO!’
There are a few things that should always be included in any list of things that are scary. Steve Bannon’s creepy Pizza The Hut face falling apart bit by bit in every photo you see of him will probably help you lose some sleep, for sure. Those terrifying spider trees you keep seeing on social media? Nope nope nope nope nope!
But there’s one scary thing in the collective thoughts of nearly everyone in the human race that is scarier than Gary Busey driving you to the liquor store at 3 AM in an explosion-prone 1970’s Ford Pinto with no seat belts: Donald Trump, America’s oldest toddler, has access to nuclear launch codes that could wipe the human race off the face of the Earth.
Some of you are probably thinking you weren’t worried about that before. But do you know how every morning you wake up and dash over to your window to look outside and make sure America is still there? Now you know why you do that subconsciously.
New Poll: 53 Percent In Michigan Think Trump Is Unfit To Have Nuclear Codes
In a new poll from EPIC-MRA, a rather unsurprising 62 percent of likely, active voters disapprove of Donald Trump’s so-called “Presidency.” That should be pretty unsettling if you’re a part of his future 2020 campaign, since Trump won Michigan in 2016 by fewer votes than there are people who believe the Earth is actually flat. There’s no data showing how many of them are the same people, but come on, we all know they’re the same people, right?
But that isn’t the number that will slap a jackhammer down on Donald Trump’s frail, porcelain ego. That same poll found that 53 percent of those likely Michigan voters are either “very worried” or “somewhat worried” that the Donald has access to nuclear launch codes.
Meanwhile, 43 percent of those surveyed question whether or not Donald Trump is mentally stable. And to be honest, I was expecting that number to be a lot higher, and so were most of you reading this right now.
This is usually the part of the article where Trump supporters stop reading and start Googling phrases like “Obama Mentally Unstable” in the hopes of finding a Breitbart story that will sooth them. It’s the conservative equivalent of a toddler sucking his thumb, or everyone’s least-favorite old-man-toddler pushing his ridiculous emergency Diet Coke button on the Resolute Desk.
And if you think Trump’s ego is done getting punched in the proverbial crotch by this poll, think again. It also found that 56 percent believe President Obama was a more effective leader, and that 55 percent believe he colluded with Russia. Ouch.
Is there a silver lining here for Trump and his
merry perpetually-outraged band of supporters? Not really. Trump’s 2020 prospects aren’t looking great, and that’s if he doesn’t resign or get himself impeached first. I would almost want to start feeling sorry for Trump supporters at this point. Until I remember how so many of them were quick to stick up for white supremacists last month, anyway.
Featured image courtesy of Shawn Thew-Pool/ Getty Images
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Matt Terzi is a political satirist and essayist from Binghamton, New York, who has written for some of the most prominent satire publications in the country. He’s now moving into more “serious” subject matter, without losing touch with his comedic roots