‘The Donald’ Announces His Intentions Toward The White House. ‘Greatest Jobs President God Ever Created!’
“If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.” ― Dorothy Parker
Proving without a shadow of a doubt that money can’t buy even a modicum of class, real estate mogul (who four times filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy), reality show personality, and all-around bombastic asshat Donald Trump announced today that will be seeking the Republican nomination for President. Yes, you read that right. The Donald. The Great One who has never held elected office.
“So, ladies and gentlemen, I am officially running for president of the United States, and we are going to make our country great again,” he announced in a near hour long rambling speech peppered with jabs at President Obama and his administration, minorities, U.S. foreign allies and fellow Republicans. In his politically incorrect and racist world, no one is safe from his smarmy insults, which he ignorantly mistakes for candor.
“I will be the greatest jobs president that God ever created,” Trump predicted, stroking his huge ego -right there, in front of God and everybody- in the atrium of the lavishly tacky Trump Tower. Trump has already billed himself as the “most successful person ever to run for the presidency, by far,” pointing out even that he owns a “Gucci store that’s worth more than Romney.” Excuse me, but what a bastard!
The concept of the American Everyman never crossed his mind as he flaunted his wealth and success as a focal point of his presidential platform, trumpeting his whopping $8.7 billion net worth during his announcement speech.
“That’s the kind of thinking our country needs,” Trump said after reading off his net worth. “I’m really rich,” Trump said, adding that his attitude is what the country needs after having “losers” run the country. This from the guy who profited from book with titles such as Think Like a Billionaire and Midas Touch: Why Some Entrepreneurs Get Rich – And Why Most Don’t.” He has is finger on the pulse of the middle class, for sure, this guy.
The Donald is, however, worried about our infrastructure. “We’re becoming a third world country!” We can’t have that. It might appear as though poor people live here or something. He also unveiled his plans to erect a ginormous fence on the border with Mexico – for which he said he’d make Mexico foot the bill – to the need for a thorough plan to defeat ISIS. And guess who is going to be the mastermind of that plan? Can you really just scream “You’re Fired!” at Islamic terrorists, humiliate them before thousands of viewers, and BAM – off in the limo with you! So easy. “No one would be tougher on ISIS than Trump,” he said, referring to himself in the third person.
Trump did find time, however, between boasting and bragging to address some of the issues the U.S. faces today. The New York Times posted some of the more colorful highlights of his speech:
On Mexico and immigration:
“When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending their best — they’re not sending you. They’re not sending you. They’re sending people that have lots of problems and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.”
On Chinese oligarchs:
“Hey, I’m not saying they’re stupid. I like China. I just sold an apartment for $15 million to somebody from China. Am I supposed to dislike them? No, I love them, but their leaders are much smarter than our leaders.”
On defending U.S. ally Saudi Arabia:
“I love the Saudis. Many are in this building. They make a billion dollars a day. Whenever they have problems, we send over the ships.” “Saudi Arabia without us is gone,” he warned.
On lobbyists and his competition:
“They will never make America great again. They don’t even have a chance. They’re controlled fully by the lobbyists, by the donors and by the special interests – fully. They control them. I have lobbyists, I have to tell you – I have lobbyists that can produce anything for me. They’re great.”
Also included on his presidential agenda are repealing the Affordable Care Act, to “get tough” on Islamic State militants, and stop Iran from acquiring nuclear weapons. He offered no details on how he would accomplish those goals. He famously fanned the flames of the “birther” movement and to this day takes credit for President Obama’s unnecessary decision to release his long form birth certificate — but The Donald, this year at CPAC, still doesn’t believe it’s authentic.
Mr. Trump also slammed former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush , who formally announced his own run for the GOP nomination Monday, for his support for Common Core national education standards and a path to legal status for undocumented immigrants.
“Bush is totally in favor of Common Core. I don’t see how he can possibly get the nomination. He’s weak on immigration, he’s in favor of Common Core. How the hell can you vote for this guy? You just can’t do it.”
Republican strategists and party officials cringe at the thought of Trump grabbing attention away from the GOP’s more serious candidates (HA!) as it tries to win back the White House after defeats in 2008 and 2012. “Donald Trump is a great entertainer and developer, but his ideas of what to do as president won’t grow the economy,” said David McIntosh, president of the influential Club for Growth, a conservative group which advocates for small government.
There was one bright spot in the narcissistic farce was, however.the fact that Trump illegally used a Neil Young song – Rockin in The Free World – during the spectacle and proceeded to get called out by Young’s manager. The Donald’s people have obviously never listened to the lyrics of the song.
Trump was later admonished in a statement issued to Mother Jones by Young’s long time manager Elliot Roberts.
“Donald Trump’s use of “Rockin’ in the Free World” was not authorized. Mr. Young is a longtime supporter of Bernie Sanders.”
Watch the video for an idea of how Trump and his posse are completely out of touch with real Americans. Apparently, they don’t realize the irony of using a song about the first Bush administration and how it treated poorer the other 99 percent.
The next few months, if nothing else, promise to be interesting and entertaining. And maybe we can finally get to the bottom of what in high holy hell is on top of Trump’s head.
Not your average suburban mom.
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Not your average suburban mom.