Hilarious New Amazon Product Lets You Wipe Away Trump’s Twitter Sh*t-Talk… Literally!
Amazon, Appreciating That Trump Talks A Lot Of Shit On Twitter, Just Released Trump-Themed Toilet Paper
“President” Donald Trump will, at some point in what we can all hope will be the near future, leave office. And when that day finally gets here, he’ll exit the White House having not really accomplished anything, if his abysmal track record thus far has taught us anything. But online retail giant Amazon? They recognize the one thing Trump manages to excel at: shit-talking. And their latest politically-themed product is an homage to that singular talent Trump has developed.
Amazon is currently selling toilet paper printed with Trump’s most nefarious tweets, allowing you to clean up that post-taco horror show on your bum by returning Trump’s tweets to their pungent, gruesome natural habitat.
What sort of gems are featured on the toilet paper in question? Renowned shit-posts like this one…
Are you allowed to impeach a president for gross incompetence?
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) June 4, 2014
And this one…
Do you think Putin will be going to The Miss Universe Pageant in November in Moscow – if so, will he become my new best friend?
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) June 19, 2013
And let’s not forget this one!
AGAIN, TO OUR VERY FOOLISH LEADER, DO NOT ATTACK SYRIA – IF YOU DO MANY VERY BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN & FROM THAT FIGHT THE U.S. GETS NOTHING!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) September 5, 2013
Amazon’s Trump-themed toilet paper is two-ply, helping you avoid that infuriating situation of a finger punching through into the upside-down. Of course, if that does happen, the overwhelming feeling of disgust and futility that takes hold of your senses will be eerily reminiscent of what you experience when you first encounter any of “The Donald’s” tweets. So in a way, you might think such an accident enhances the product more than anything else.
In true hilarious Amazon product fashion, the reviews for this TP are overflowing with comedy
brown gold. Here are a few samples of the amazing responses found on their site:
“I’m really afraid these will make my backside dirtier instead of cleaner.”
“I was going to order this but was concerned about lack of absorbency and that it may lead to leaks. However it’s highly recommended for nights of excessive pee incidents.”
“I was initially concerned that verbal diarrhea could be contagious with skin contact. But this product seems great for addressing the mess appropriately. Trump’s mess, obviously.”
“I used the product as directed, and it removed my waste well — as advertised. However, I don’t think the manufacturer realized that Trump’s tweets are so full of crap it ended up turning out to be an even exchange. Basically for every gram of my waste removed by the paper, an equal amount of Trump’s toxic verbal residue was transferred back to my bum. Highly recommend that you take a shower immediately after use. Also, be sure to lock product up in a cabinet when not in use, as Trump’s words tend to attract both West Virginians, Russians, and trolls. I don’t have to tell you how hard they are to get rid of.”
According to TheHill, a publication that passes up on all of these potty humor jokes I’m far too immature to ignore, Amazon’s novelty toilet paper was selling for $11.99 per roll. But as of this article being written, Amazon has apparently sold out of the product, with too many Americans seeing the opportunity to smear Donald Trump’s words too irresistible to pass up.
Were you lucky enough to score a roll of Trump Twitter Toilet paper before Amazon sold out? If so, we’d love to hear your reviews in the comments below!
Featured photo courtesy of Chris Kleponis-Pool/ Getty Images
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Matt Terzi is a political satirist and essayist from Binghamton, New York, who has written for some of the most prominent satire publications in the country. He’s now moving into more “serious” subject matter, without losing touch with his comedic roots