Bookies: Odds Are Strong That Trump Won’t Make It Through One Whole Term
He Won’t Like These Odds: Gamblers Are Confident Trump’s Presidency Won’t Make It Through One Full Term
Donald Trump may have lost investors and customers a whole lot of money in the past with his questionable business ventures — Trump Steaks, Trump University, Trump Airlines, etc. — but at least the laughably poor start to his presidency might turn a profit for some people, and it’s a group Trump should be fairly familiar with, too: gamblers.
According to a report published by Politico on Sunday, bookies around the globe are taking bets on how likely “President” Trump is to see one full term in office through to the end. And the odds? Yeah… they’re not great for our Cheeto-flavored Commander-In-Chief.
British gambling website Ladbroke is giving 11 to 10 odds that Trump will be impeached or will resign before completing one full term. That’s nearly even money, which doesn’t bode well for America’s first orange president. Meanwhile Bovada, a gambling site created by the folks at Bodog Poker, is paying out $180 on $100 wagers that his presidency won’t last four years, though if he dies in office, they’re calling that a “push” and the bet is off.
On Irish gambling site Paddy Power, the question for gamblers isn’t whether or not Trump will be impeached, but how long he’ll actually go before that happens, with 4 to 1 odds of a 2017 impeachment (the same bet can be made for an impeachment inside of six months), versus a staggering 20 to 1 chance he’ll not get impeached until 2020, the last of his possible four years in office.
Each of the sites offers an assortment of other bets, too, from which White House staffer will leave their post first (bookies seem to strongly favor White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer), to whether he’ll visit certain countries, to which retailer will drop Ivanka Trump next.
Ladbroke will even take bets on whether or not The Donald will somehow manage to win the 2017 Nobel Peace Prize, like former President Obama did in 2009. What are the odds of that happening, you ask? A staggering 100 to 1.
But perhaps the funniest wager offered on any of the three sites has little to do with politics, and everything to do with the bathroom: Paddy Power is also taking bets, with 4 to 1 odds, that Trump’s alleged golden shower fetish sex tapes will end up on a porn website. Not that anyone in their right minds should ever want to see that, of course.
And which country might Trump ban next? Paddy Power is giving 9 to 1 odds that it’ll be North Korea. But if you’re a little less attached to your money, you might throw down a bet on the fictional land of Mordor. The site is rather hilariously trolling The Donald by offering 500 to 1 odds that he might actually do just that.
“Mordor isn’t sending their best people. They’re rapists, they’re drug dealers, we need to deport the orcs and goblins before they take our jobs.” Yeah, I can see him saying that. If you can’t, well, you must be new to paying attention to the news. Welcome to the party!
Featured image courtesy of Isaac Brekken/ Getty Images
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Matt Terzi is a political satirist and essayist from Binghamton, New York, who has written for some of the most prominent satire publications in the country. He’s now moving into more “serious” subject matter, without losing touch with his comedic roots