Trump Will One Day Leave A Letter For His Successor. Here’s What We’d Guess It Will Say
Someday Trump Will Leave Office, And He’ll Need to Leave a Letter For His Successor
It’s a storied Oval Office tradition. On Inauguration Day, in one of the very final acts of their tenure, the President prepares a handwritten letter for their successor and parks it on top of or inside the Resolute Desk.
In an exclusive on Sunday, CNN revealed the letter then-President Barack Obama penned for Donald Trump. And despite all the hostility shown by Trump throughout Obama’s two terms, and knowing full well that Trump would belligerently trash-talk him through the full duration of his short tenure in the White House, the letter Obama wrote to Trump was mature, thoughtful, eloquent, and encouraging.
Reading that letter yesterday got me thinking about the day Donald Trump leaves office — a day the vast majority of Americans daydream about frequently — and a question popped into my head. Trump will likely leave a letter for his successor someday, right? If he doesn’t resign or get impeached, I mean?
What might that letter say? What words of wisdom will Donald Trump bestow upon the person who defeats him in the 2020 presidential election?
Being the public servant that I am, and appreciating that Donald Trump is a very busy guy, I decided to do him a favor and write his Inauguration Day letter myself. It’s the least I can do to repay Trump for all the ridiculous comedy of his reign thus far. When his presidency hasn’t been disturbing and horrifying, I mean.
Donald Trump’s Future Letter To His Successor
Dear __________ (Insert loser’s name who beat me in 2020 here),
What a sad day for America. Very sad. You allegedly beat me by 12 million votes, but we both know at least 24 million votes were from illegals you bused in from Mexico. I’ll be hiring private investigators to prove it, too. You will go to prison for this, believe me!
We all know I was the greatest President of all time. I had the best approval numbers. The very best. Nobody had better approval numbers than me, okay? Nobody. And I did so much for America. Look at all of my accomplishments. Look at how many jobs I created since
20092017. Obama didn’t do that, okay? That was me. Stop giving Obama credit for the many many millions of jobs I created.
How are you going to top that? You won’t. SAD.
My 14th Chief of Staff and Mike Pence are both reading over my shoulder. They say I’m supposed to give you some advice in this letter. Don’t worry, I’m getting to that. I give the best advice, okay? Nobody gives advice better than me.
First, don’t pay attention to the FAKE NEWS, okay? Ignore those people. They have very low ratings and are very poor. The New York Times is basically an abandoned building right now. Pathetic.
Second, try to remember all of the great things I did. I’m a very inspirational person, believe me. You can look at my presidency and know everything you need to know about being a great president. The best president, okay? The best.
Third, I find it’s best to use Twitter sometime around 4 am. You know when you wake up in the middle of the night and that KFC and ice cream you had for dinner burned straight through you and it wants out? My best tweets were written then. The bathroom in the residence is unbelievable. Oh, and the one down the hall from the Oval Office was stuffed up like that when I got here, okay? That’s not my fault. Thanks, Obama.
One final bit of advice, and this one is really important, believe me. Never forget the people who elected you. I mean, look at me! I responded to a terrorist attack by referring to Nazis as “Very fine people!” Who else would do that? Nobody. I speak my mind and I tell it like it is!
In closing, I hope you fail, and I will run against you in 2024, I promise you that. I don’t believe you won legally and I would have refused to leave if Mike Pence didn’t order the Secret Service to remove the Oval Office doors so I couldn’t booby trap them. Heh. Booby.
You are a very ugly person and you smell like farts. Try not to burn the place down while I’m gone, okay? I Made America Great Again.
Sieg Heil Sincerely YoursYou’re Welcome,
Donald J. Trump
Featured image courtesy of Alex Wong/ Getty Images
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Matt Terzi is a political satirist and essayist from Binghamton, New York, who has written for some of the most prominent satire publications in the country. He’s now moving into more “serious” subject matter, without losing touch with his comedic roots