Trump Admin. May Propose 'Mini Nukes': Small Like His Fingers, Dangerous Like His Rhetoric

Trump Admin. May Propose ‘Mini Nukes’: Small Like His Fingers, Dangerous Like His Rhetoric

Small Nukes For a Small Man: Trump Administration Might Propose ‘Mini-Nukes’

You’d think that Donald Trump, of all people, would do everything in his power to avoid reminding people of his tiny, baby-like hands. But according to a rather upsetting report from Politico, the Trump Administration is seemingly leaning toward proposing the addition of miniaturized nuclear weapons to America’s arsenal.

After assembling a panel to review the country’s nuclear arsenal, the Trump Administration is reportedly leaning toward the proposal of developing new low-yield “mini-nukes” that can destroy targets more precisely without eradicating countless civilians.

Proponents of these new mini-nukes believe they might help deter Russia or North Korea, both of whom have aggressively shown that they’re not afraid to use nuclear weapons.

Everyone else? They see this as not only a pointless endeavor, as we already have low-yield nuclear weapons, but as a dangerous one, too. A danger the Trump administration maybe oblivious to, considering the fact that Donald Trump himself often struggles to wrap his little baby fingers around the concept of of cause and effect.

The Trump Administration Wants More Mini-Nukes, But Everyone Else on Planet Earth? Not So Much

As with nearly every proposal we’ve seen from the Trump administration, the cons of potential mini-nuke development drastically outweigh the pros. Which shouldn’t be all that  surprising, really, since Trump is America’s most infamous conman.

The development of new nuclear weapons probably means those new weapons would need to be tested. The United States hasn’t tested a nuclear weapon since September 23rd of 1992And it’s difficult, if not outright impossible, to estimate how the world might see such nuclear tests. The smart money, however, is on the world not being cool with it, for obvious reasons.

Former State Department official and National Security Council Director Steven Andreasen explained to Politico that testing these weapons would send the wrong message to the world.

“If the U.S. moves now to develop a new nuclear weapon, it will send exactly the wrong signal at a time when international efforts to discourage the spread of nuclear weapons are under severe challenge. If the world’s greatest conventional and nuclear military power decides it cannot defend itself without new nuclear weapons, we will undermine our ability to prevent other nations from developing or enhancing their own nuclear capabilities and we will further deepen the divisions between the U.S. and other responsible countries.”

The Trump Factor

Perhaps the scariest element of the Trump Administration’s potential mini-nuke proposal isn’t how those weapons might theoretically be used, but how the current President might be more inclined to slap his puny orange fingers on that big red button.

No, not the one that orders White House staff to deliver him a Coca-Cola. I mean the other, scarier big red button.

Thus far, Donald Trump hasn’t shown so much as a sliver of the patience, fortitude, or resolve that other Presidents — even the not-so-great ones like George W. Bush — have managed to show.

Related: Explosive Report: Kushner’s REAL Job is to Hide Trump’s Declining Mental Health (VIDEO)

Threatening North Korea with “fire and fury,” angrily flying off the rails when his white supremacist friends came under fire from the media and the public, the constant salvo of attacks lobbed toward the media… Donald Trump couldn’t keep his cool if he was laying in a tub full of ice with Billy Dee Williams hanging out in the room with him.

It should come as no surprise to any of us then that polls have shown a majority of Americans aren’t cool with Trump having his puny hands on nuclear launch codes. Knowing that Trump could theoretically deploy smaller, low-yield nukes on a whim isn’t going to calm many nerves, either.

Related: POLL: In Key Swing State, Majority Terrified Of Trump’s Finger on Nuclear Trigger

Like most men lacking in the crotch department, Trump is always trying to compensate with his sad, played-out “tough guy” routine. But as we’ve seen already, it doesn’t intimidate any other world leaders, and it certainly doesn’t impress anyone in the United States, not counting the people who had IROC-Z posters on their walls as kids and who crush beer cans on their foreheads in a lackluster effort to impress those of the opposite sex, of course.

Related: Trump’s Tiny Orange D*ck Could Cause World War III; Kim Jong Un Pissing-Match PROVES He’s Unfit

The Trump Administration mulling these low-yield mini nukes? This isn’t about enhancing national security or intimidating other nations into submission. Like most of their decisions, this talk of mini nukes is all about Trump’s unmentionables. And if there’s any worse place to begin talks on anything regarding nuclear weapons, someone will need to explain to me where that worse place is.

Featured image courtesy of the South Korean Defense Ministry via Getty Images

Matt Terzi is a political satirist and essayist from Binghamton, New York, who has written for some of the most prominent satire publications in the country. He's now moving into more "serious" subject matter, without losing touch with his comedic roots