Mommy, Daddy… What’s A Donald Trump?

If you are one of the many American parents who are completely baffled as to how you can look your sweet innocent child in the eyes and coherently explain Donald Trump, no worries – here’s the children’s book for you.

Published earlier this week: A Child’s First Book Of Trump, complete with illustrations that border on sheer perfection.  Written by author/comedian Michael Ian Black, and published by Simon and Schuster under the publisher’s Books for Young Readers imprint. It’s packaged like a children’s book. Black, however, states that it will probably appeal more to adults, although you could probably read it to your children—if they’re brave enough.

“I think you could read it to your children if they don’t scare easily,” Black said. “[But] it’s clearly aimed at adults who are finding themselves feeling a little befuddled at the rise of a certain orange beast.”

— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) July 2, 2016

Building upon Dr. Seuss’s indelible, memorable rhyming style, Black manages to clearly, craftily and cunningly slice Trump down to size, taking gleeful jabs at everything from the Republican nominee’s strange mop of hair, the Cheeto-esque hue of his skin, and, of course, his tiny, tiny hands.

The beasty is called an American Trump
Its skin is bright orange, its figure is plump;
Its fur so complex, you might get enveloped.
Its hands are, sadly, underdeveloped.
And where does it live? On flat-screen TVs!
It rushes toward every camera it sees.
It thrives in the most contentious conditions
And excretes the most appalling emissions.

‘Is Trump For Real?’ And Other Burning Questions

The fact that it is written in simple, rhyming words suitable for young children, and clearly, colorfully illustrated, makes it the perfect gift for the Trump supporter in your life.

The publisher said the book would be “hysterical if it wasn’t so true.”

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“The Trump is a curious creature, very often spotted in the wild, but confounding to our youngest citizens. A business mogul, reality TV host, and now … political candidate? Kids (and let’s be honest many adults) might have difficulty discerning just what this thing that’s been dominating news coverage this election cycle is. Could he actually be real?”

It’s a question we’ve all probably asked ourselves.

The simple, Dr. Seuss-style rhyming in the book, paired with the bright, colorful illustrations, created the “perfect medium” for describing Trump, Black said.

“I think silliness can be an effective satirical tool,” says Black.  “I think there’s something more subversive about silliness, and more palatable to a lot of people.  As a satire, there might be certain expectations from an adult’s point of view reading the book that it should rhyme. It felt correct to fulfill expectations about what a children’s book should be. I purposely put it in Seussian format to just sort of undergird the satirical nature.”

Mocking Trump never fails to get under his very thin, very orange skin.

So the next time your child catches a glimpse of a full-grown man, with wild, straw-like hair, strange, orange skin, flailing his tiny little hands in the air while screaming about building a wall, and turns to you with horrified confusion, bring out your copy of A Child’s First Book of Trump and read to them.

“So what should you do with a Trump running wild? The answer is all up to you, my dear child. Run away screaming? Or maybe you fight it? Reason and logic will only incite it.”

Chances are, your child still won’t understand Donald Trump — none of us really do — but at least you can say you tried.

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