The natives are restless in the Pleasantville-like uppity Dallas suburb of Frisco, and when you find out why, youâll be asking yourselves if these people need more to do with their lives.
It seems that a new high school is being constructed in the booming suburb, and thereâs a massive problem: The high school is to be named âLebanon High Schoolâ.
Weâll wait patiently while your outrage builds to a level of an about-to-erupt volcanoâŠ
Or maybe your reaction is similar to thisâŠ
So what in Godâs name is so awful about this? It seems that âLebanonâ is⊠wait for it⊠the name of a country in the Middle East.
And so, using approximately the same level of intelligence it takes to interpret the colors on a stop light, the complaining Islamophobes have obviously adopted the following thought flow path to arrive at their present state of agitation:
âLebanonâ = âa country in the Middle East where those brown Muslim people liveâ = âMuslims are bad peopleâ = ââLebanonâ is a bad name for our schoolâ
And therefore, a fervent group of parents in the area is fighting to have the name changed to something else and are calling for a vote on what to name the school.
Of course, someone might let these people know that instead of the latest nefarious plot by our closet Muslim president to turn the U.S. into an Islamic nation, the name âLebanonâ is of historical significance to the area. It was the name given to the original settlement in the area that eventually became the town of Frisco. There is even a main thoroughfare named âLebanon Roadâ, and weâre guessing that when the perturbed citizens of Frisco need something else to be perturbed about, the name of that road will be changed as well.
Not only that, but there are 19 cities in the U.S. with the name âLebanon,â and most have been around since the 1800âs, including the area that is now Frisco. And there are at least 13 high schools with the name âLebanonâ in it. Apparently, they are all part of a dastardly plot to turn America into a Muslim nation.
The irony is that the nation of Lebanon is split nearly evenly between Muslims and Christians, and is one of the most religiously diverse nations in the world.
But nonetheless, a group of parents who claim they were told that the school would be called âFreedom High Schoolâ feel that the name âLebanon High Schoolâ is outdated and âless patriotic.â
So lets help these people out, shall we?
Hereâs a few suggestions from some very intelligent commenters on what the school should be named, plus a few of our own:
âGeorge W. Bush School for Is Our Children Learning?â
âJesus H. Christ High schoolâ
âSarah Palin High Schoolâ
âBarack H. Obama High Schoolâ
âJesus H. Christ Fetus Memorial High Schoolâ
âOur Crucified Savior High School.â
âMurrika High Schoolâ
âWe Donât Like Brown People High Schoolâ
âAmerica Eagle Guns FREEDOOOOOOM Municipal High Schoolâ
âSuper Cowboy USA Hot Dog Rocket Ship American Number One High Schoolâ
âBenghazi High Schoolâ
âMurrika The Stoopid High Schoolâ
âSmith & Wessonâs God-Fearing Eagle-Punch High Schoolâ
âShock and Awe High Schoolâ
âWhite Christian Privilege High Schoolâ
âRoughneck High Schoolâ
âAmerica Freedom Clint Eastwood Fifty Caliber Eagle Go Cowboys Yee Haw High Schoolâ
Feel free to add your own name suggestion in the comments.