The first GOP presidential debate is happening this Thursday on Fox News, [update: it’s over, but the video is below] with the top 10 Republican candidates duking it out on stage. But while watching the Republicans pile out of a clown car and attempt to out-crazy each other might be entertaining enough on its own for some people, others might require a bit of liquid motivation to get through the ordeal in one sitting. Well, don’t worry folks: your friends at Reverb Press are on the clock and here to help get you through your evening, with our official 2016 GOP presidential debate drinking game!

NOTICE: Playing this drinking game may result in extreme, irreparable physical and psychological damage, up to and including death. Please drink responsibly, and know that Reverb Press claims no responsibility for anything that happens before, during, or after playing this game, including, but not limited to, nausea, vomiting, violent hangovers, bizarre nightmares with Ted Cruz dressed up like the clown from Stephen King’s “It,” spurts of unexpected racism, unfortunate voice mails left on your ex’s phone, and/ or brainwashing that converts you into a birther nutcase. The only guarantee we have is that this game will definitely make you black-out drunk before the end of the debate.

Drink ONCE any time a Republican candidate:

  • Says “Obamacare”
  • Compares themselves to Ronald Reagan
  • Says the phrase “free market”
  • Uses the word “Socialism”
  • Says the phrase “personal responsibility”
  • Mentions their own religion
  • One or more candidates cut each other off
  • Uses the phrase “failed presidency”
  • Proposes something so similar to another candidate that you can’t really tell the difference between their ideas
  • (Donald Trump) brags about himself
  • Mentions Iran and/ or the Iran deal

Drink TWICE any time a Republican candidate:

  • Confesses their love for Ronald Reagan
  • Talks about “illegals,” but you can tell they’re really talking about people of South American descent in general
  • Complains about taxes
  • Mentions Benghazi
  • Says something negative about marriage equality
  • Says something about President Obama that you know, for a fact, isn’t actually true
  • Portrays all of Islam or all Muslims as terrorists
  • Attacks Hillary Clinton
  • One or more candidates are caught throwing Donald Trump a helping of evil eye
  • (Jeb Bush) is trying really hard to distance himself from his brother
  • Refers to America’s poor in a way that makes you believe they’ve never once missed a meal in their lives
  • Suggests, veiled or otherwise, that we should be bombing Iran instead of negotiating peacefully

Drink THREE TIMES any time a Republican candidate:

  • Quotes Ronald Reagan
  • Says something homophobic, sexist, and/ or racist
  • Says the phrase “pick themselves up by their bootstraps,” or some variation of that
  • Mentions Planned Parenthood in any way
  • Says something that would give either or both of the Koch brothers a chubby
  • Says the phrase “real America”
  • Mentions how many firearms they own
  • Attacks Bernie Sanders
  • Is asked a softball question by someone at Fox News
  • Plugs a book they wrote
  • Says a joke that no one who surpassed the fourth grade would find humorous
  • Promises to bust up one or more unions
  • Blames the recession on President Obama
  • Uses the phrase “mainstream media”

FINISH YOUR DRINK and open the next one any time a Republican candidate:

  • Confuses socialism, fascism, and/ or communism, in any combination
  • Compares the Republican Party or themselves to one or more civil rights leaders
  • Mentions President Obama’s birth certificate in any way
  • Argues that they’re more like Ronald Reagan than another candidate or multiple other candidates
  • Promises to shut down Planned Parenthood

Now, watch the debate replays, in order, and laugh, worry, and get soused:

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