What Would Jesus Do If He Were Scarface?

While anti-gay marriage activist Kim Davis seeks martyrdom for failing to do her job, other old-fashioned homophobes have taken a more assertive stance against the scourge of America’s newest civil right. A Gatlinburg, Tenn. pastor made a sign that says in big block letters, “NO- SAME SEX MARRIAGES; OUR MINISTERS – NOT GAY,” which is kind of adorable.

Unfortunately, devious agents of the homosexual agenda vandalized his sign, rearranging the letters to spell evil, mocking things. They did this not once. Not twice. But thrice! Oh, how the good lord tests a bigoted old pastor’s soul. After calling the police twice, Reverend Ed Taylor realized he had no choice but to take matters into his own hands. So he camped out night after night, cradling a shotgun.

As you’ll recall from Bible study, when the Romans finally came for Jesus with the hammer and nails, Jesus wheeled on them with a sword in one hand and a bazooka in the other, and asked, “Who wants some salvation?” Clearly, Reverend Taylor is emulating Christ when he guards his regressive sign with the ol’ boomstick.

While Kim Davis really wants to be Daniel in the lion’s den of democratic laws, Taylor is more God of the Book of Job, testing the faith of anyone who defies him. Do you feel lucky, punk?

According to WVLT Local 8 news, a legal expert said that Reverend Taylor can’t shoot anyone to defend his sign, only to defend himself. But, the Reverend doesn’t intend to hurt anyone. He keeps the shotgun unloaded. But he does carry a loaded pistol, just in case, he says.

He told Local 8 that he hopes people will support him.

“I want people to really voice their opinions. Maybe get the laws changed or whatever it takes.”

Apparently, no one explained to him, that after years of civil rights activism, we DID get the laws changed, and now gay people have the right to marry.

While Taylor is clear that he won’t preside over a gay marriage in his church, there was no word yet on whether he would officiate a shotgun wedding.

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