Top 25 Shameless Breast Cancer Awareness Promotions

Top 25 Most Shameless ‘Breast Cancer Awareness Month’ Promotions (IMAGES)

Anything — no matter how harmful to women or cancer-causing — can be “pinkwashed.”

10. Brakes for Breasts?

Auto shops across the nation have their own special Pinktober surprise…Free brake pads for all customers who come in to have their breasts (oops) brakes worked on.  But how do they know which brake pads will fit in your bra? And yes, a portion of the profits goes towards development of  breast cancer vaccine, but they don’t say how much.

9. Never mind, I’ll walk.

This taxi company has an interesting way of raising “Breast Cancer Awareness.”

8. Breastfest Beer Festival.

I don’t even want to know what goes on there.

7. Just because NYPD’s wearing pink doesn’t mean they won’t assault you.

In a total waste of public tax dollars and a bizarre attempt to soften their image as blue-suited thugs who regularly get caught on video choking and beating the crap out of people, NYPD’s gone way overboard with the Pinktober thing. They’ve got pink-accented motorcycles, squad cars, and uniforms, and pink balloons, pink shoe laces, and pink handcuffs, too. So next time NYPD stops you, put your hands up and go quietly so they can take you to your breast cancer screening.

6. Sorry, vapes still cause cancer.

Ex-smokers think e-cigarettes are healthier, but cigarette alternatives still contain toxic chemicals that can lead to cancer. If this Twitterer really cared about raising “Breast Cancer Awareness” they’d tell people not to buy their products.

5. Because nothing says “courage, hope, strength” better than a bunch of useless junk jewelry.

4. Can I get it in a different color?

3. They fight pests and cancer!

While these two seem sincere about raising “Breast Cancer Awareness,” you might want to ask what chemicals this exterminator company uses before you hire them.

2. Awww, so cute…Except it’s not.

This seems cute at first, but it also trivializes breast cancer and insults anyone whose had to struggle with this devastating and often deadly disease. Contrary to what these upbeat messages imply, checking your breasts regularly does not stop breast cancer. In fact, finding a lump may mean you already have breast cancer.

1. No, Safeway…WE donated $6.4 million for breast cancer research.

Seriously. Every time you shop at Safeway, the cashier (or the automated robot checkout thing) asks if you want to donate to breast cancer research…or prostate cancer research, or hungry children, or veterans. So the next time you push your cart full of pink junk up to the cash register and they ask for a donation, say, “no thanks.”

So next time you’re wondering whether you should buy that pink thing, check the chart below, insert the name of whatever it is you want to buy in between the two asterixes, do what the chart says, and send a donation to a charity that actually helps women with breast cancer and their families.

Want to help fight breast cancer?

Here are Five awesome charities you can donate to instead of buying #pinkwashed corporate crap.

  1. The American Cancer SocietyFighting cancer for over 100 years through research and by providing extensive resources, programs and services.
  2. Breast Cancer Action: They operate a 24-hour hotline and push for better treatment options. They also launched the awesome Think Before You Pink campaign.
  3. The Breast Cancer Research Foundation: Out of every dollar you donate, 90 cents actually goes to breast cancer research. Imagine that.
  4. National Breast Cancer Coalition: A lobby group focused on public policy, advocacy and increased federal funding for breast cancer research.
  5. Unite for Her: Provides wellness programs (including massage, yoga, counseling, acupuncture) to support patients emotionally and spritually, while complementing their medical treatment.

Featured image: Baker Hughes.